Did Centring Creativity “Work”?

A year of trying to focus more on writing

A year ago, I reduced my time working as a pastor at Prairie Presbyterian Church to 80% in order to focus on my writing. On October 1st, I went back to full time. [Read the official notice on my Church’s website] Why move back, what did I learn, and what does this mean for my writing (and for my work as a pastor)?

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

I’ll start by saying that working 80% was in a lot of ways a gift for me. I was the one who initiated it in the first place. It allowed me to set some boundaries around pastoral work (which is often challenging - both the work itself and the keeping of the boundaries!), trying to not work on Church stuff on Mondays or Fridays. Trying is the operative word, of course. I stuck to these boundaries most of the time, but certainly not every week.

I was well intentioned, as most of us are, whenever one is trying to reconfigure a few things in life. Over the year, I did work on a number of writing projects or writing-related projects. I made progress on two things that I’m still not ready to share about, having no idea if they will ever see the light of day. Also, I’m the publisher for my mother’s latest novel which is about to be released. And, I put out a bunch of podcast episodes on this very platform. While not writing, this was a choice I made because I genuinely missed podcasting, especially the interviews themselves where I often ended up talking to other writers about writing. What fun!

I also chose to pick up little bits of work that helped supplement my income. The main one of these was doing some extra leadership coaching, which I honestly enjoyed.

It was actually a really good year… so why not just keep it going?

What I discovered was that the most joyful pieces in all of it, creative writing and podcasting, essentially led to (almost) no income.

My experience coaching was very instructive for me. If I wanted to “make up” 20% of my income, leadership coaching would be the way to do it. And while I enjoyed the coaching conversations, what I didn’t enjoy was everything surrounding the idea of creating a coaching business. I would need to market myself as a leadership coach to go from just saying yes to occasional opportunities that crossed my path to actually earning income in any serious way. Hanging out my shingle as a leadership coach right now, creating an entirely new business, is definitely not something I want to do.

At the same time, I began seriously thinking about what would be next for me as a pastoral leader in my context. Over the last number of years, I have been consistently drawn into conversations about starting new ministries, or helping others think through how they might start new ministries. I was beginning to wonder if instead of simply offering to coach people through the discernment practices and then the steps of innovation in ministry, I could help my own congregation be a kind of resource for new initiatives to take place, whether those initiatives were connected to our congregation or not. What might that look like? This may all sound a little nebulous, but this is the kind of work that I get excited about. And so, I approached our elders about how “starting new ministries” might become part of my regular job as pastor. They were all in on the idea.

These conversations with my own congregation happened at the same time that I was asked to consider coming on as a co-director of Cyclical Winnipeg, which is a burgeoning faithful innovation network in my city and province. Essentially Cyclical does the very work to which I feel called. My amazing elders in my church agreed to simply say yes to me working as Cyclical co-director and be paid by my congregation as Cyclical seeks further outside funding to support their work long term.

I’ve kind of gotten in the weeds with this post, but this is where I’m at at the moment. I did a bunch of discernment around all of this. Lots of prayer, lots of conversations.

Throughout the year, I realized that I loved writing a lot more when it was much more “on the side.” A year ago I had a grand vision to centre creativity, usually in the form of writing. But trying to structure it all took some of the fun out of it.

I found myself over the course of last year starting to make creative choices based on what MIGHT lead to some income. Turning on the paid subscriptions for this Substack was part of that. Of course, as soon as you turn on subscriptions on a writing and podcasting platform, you start feeling like you need to really deliver on content. It better be good, it better be helpful, and it better be regularly scheduled.

I was feeling like I was not really doing that. Maybe what I was posting here was good, maybe some of it was helpful, and over time any schedule I had was out the window. I started feeling bad about that. I felt like I “should” be able to deliver something regularly. Why had I let my creative practice that was fuelling my content on Substack slip?

But, I hadn’t really let anything “slip.” I had just been failing to recognize where my creative energy was actually going.

I had creative energy around figure out how to support faithful innovation. AND I already have a weekly practice of creative writing and speaking. I prepare and preach a sermon every week. AND, I had worked on other creative projects. The reality was that I had tons of creative work going on - I was just trying to shoehorn even more in under the guise of “centring creativity” in my schedule. But it was already there all along, and I suspect it always will be.

So, what does this all mean for this space?

First, it means I’m turning off the paid subscriptions. Thank you to those who did support me in this way. It meant so much to me to know there were people in my corner in this experiment.

Second, I think I will still post here when I want to. When I have something to say, a thought on creativity or something else, or something to invite you to, I’ll probably write a little something here. I might put out the occasional podcast episode.

Did you read all the qualifiers there? I THINK I will still post… I’ll PROBABLY write… I MIGHT put out the OCCASIONAL podcast…. If you know me at all, you know this is unlike me. I usually make a plan and stick to it. But, I’d rather this space not be part of a plan where there is some expectation of what I “should” be doing. I’d rather it be full of “maybe” or “if I’m feeling like it” or “ohhh, I really need to let people know about THIS!”

The thing is, I already have spaces where I’m doing creative work. I have my projects I’m not ready to talk about yet (and who knows if they will ever be finished!). I have publishing efforts with my Mum’s book coming out. I have my work with faithful innovators and Cyclcial Winnipeg. I have community building work in my congregation. I have writing and speaking every Sunday (honestly, the sermon art form is one of my favourites - how many of you are really into sermons?! - if you are, we have a YouTube Channel). And, I also have podcasting regularly outside of this platform - I co-host a podcast all about the Winnipeg Jets Hockey Club with my sister and it is so much fun!

Really, my life is so full of creativity that I don’t need this space to bring structure to a creative practice. It has been great to reflect on creativity, especially with the awesome conversation partners on the podcast and in the comments and emails from all of you! But, my next season, I think, might be just about diving more fully into all that I have going on. And MAYBE I’ll throw something on this Substack about it as I go forward.

I never wanted this space or my creative work to become “I really SHOULD post something or put out a podcast episode.” And so, it will be whatever it will be.

Looking forward to whatever is next.

Matt